I recently came across an article shared by a few friends on social media titled, “5 reasons why marriage doesn’t work anymore,” which immediately caught my attention. I’m sure you can see why. I curiously clicked the link and read what may be the five most pathetic
excuses reasons for why marriages don’t seem to work in today’s society.
Anthony D’Ambrosio, the author of said article, is divorced shortly after tying the knot in 2012. It seems as if he’s speaking from experience and a little bit of bitterness. I’ve been married to my husband for less than two years and we have two children together (ages 2 and 1). While every day hasn’t been a walk in the park, I have never thought of the “D” word. I just can’t seem to relate to D’Ambrosio’s article. It rubbed me the wrong way. I see why the divorce rate is so high because obviously couples are ready to leave for any slight irritation.
Here are the 5 reasons D’Ambrosio states:
1. Sex becomes almost nonexistent
2. Finances cripple us
3. We’re more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time
4. Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved
5. Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you
Do you see what I mean by pathetic now?
First, sex only becomes nonexistent if you let it. And there’s really no reason why you shouldn’t be making love to your spouse regularly. If you have a true connection with your spouse beyond the physical level, you will want to engage in this activity as often as possible! We need to stop making sex a chore. After all, it’s a great stress reliever and gets your mind off anything that may be bothering you. If you’re a Christian, you know that God WANTS you to make love to your spouse. Some say it is a sin to refuse sex to your spouse, stating 1 Corinthians 7:4, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” So, no more excuses!
His second reason is finances or lack thereof. Okay, I get it, the cost of living has risen since our grandparents were newlyweds, but so have wages. D’Ambrosio states, “We’re too busy paying bills to enjoy our youth.” Our mid-20s may be difficult financially because we’re just starting our careers and maybe wanting to have kids, but that’s no reason why we can’t enjoy our youth. Last time I checked, you didn’t need to spend a lot of money (if any money at all) to enjoy your spouse. In fact, if you think you have to go on elaborate dates or vacations to keep your marriage alive, then you are completely superficial. My husband and I don’t have very much money and he has been unemployed for 8 of the past 12 months. Has it been tough? Of course. Has it crippled our marriage? No way! Our relationship has stronger roots than that. We make an effort to spend quality time together, even if it’s just taking a drive without the kids and reminiscing on the days when we first met. I don’t know about you, but those moments mean more to me than an expensive birthday gift. Don’t base your marriage off finances. There are going to be ups and downs, but learn to enjoy the ups and let the downs bring you closer.
The rest of the article blames technology.
The third reason talked about in the article is technology, cell phones specifically. D’Ambrosio claims that text messaging and apps have hindered our communication, thus removing human emotion from our relationships. I, however, believe that text messages have enhanced our communication. When we used to have to pick up a phone and call our loved ones, we can now send them a sweet text message in a couple seconds no matter where we are.
The fourth reason is the most ridiculous to me. First of all, speak for yourself, D’Ambrosio. If your desire for attention outweighs your desire to be loved, you have serious issues. The Bible says in Galatians 1:10, “Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” You can’t be a Christian if you’re always seeking approval and attention from others. Your main goal should be to first please God, then your spouse.
The final reason discussed is social media and the fact that nothing is private anymore. We make every aspect of our lives public. I do believe that posting everywhere we go and everything we eat is crazy, but we have control over it. Don’t be a slave to social media. It goes back to seeking the approval of others.
All these things may cause added stress, but they are no reason for divorce. It happens when husbands and wives stop bonding and lose sight of why they fell in love in the first place. It happens when we pursue our own interests instead of pursuing each other. It happens when women try to lead instead of follow and submit and serve their husbands. It all comes down to this: If God isn’t the center of your marriage, then you can expect to be unhappy or divorced.